“Life is a succession of lessons which
must be lived to be understood.”
― Helen Keller
* * * *
On this 19th day of April, 240 years ago, a shot heard round
the world was fired in Massachusetts and that became the
incident which started America’s Revolutionary war. The
English soldier who fired that bullet was defended by a
Boston attorney who was advised to take the case by his
key aide Abigail, and he would gain fame and later go on
to become elected as George Washington’s vice-president.
Abigail married the lawyer and they had a child who would
become America’s sixth President. The British infantryman
was found guilty by a jury and his penalty for the shooting
was to receive a tattoo branded upon his thumb.
On April 19th, 72 years ago, an uprising began in a Polish
ghetto called Warsaw in which an estimated 300,000 to
400,000 people were slaughtered by Nazis. One Jew who
survived as a young child would grow up to launch an
American institution called “The Great American Meatout”.
That same individual (Alex Hershaft) hosts an annual
animal rights conference attended by over 1,000 people.
Alex lived on a street in that ghetto called Mila 18, the
same name given to a novel by a struggling writer friend
of mine. The 300 remaining residents of Mila 18 committed
mass suicide rather than be captured by the Nazis.
On this same date, Charles Manson was sentenced to life
in prison for crimes he never actually participated in; the
Tate/LaBianca murders, and on this date the Boston
Marathon bombers were first identified. Finally, on April 19th,
mass un-sub Tim McVeigh, blew up an Oklahoma City office
building claiming 168 lives as an act of retribution for Janet
Reno carrying out then President Clinton’s order which resulted
in our government’s slaughter of 86 people in Waco, Texas two
So far as I can see, the man had no redeemable ethical values,
but he was smart and learned life’s lessons well. McVeigh fully
understood the effect dairy had on the body, particularly ice
cream. Got explosively-loose digestive sludge 12 hours after
eating ice cream?
Timothy McVeigh was executed by lethal injection at
7:13 AM on this date in 2001 for his role in the bombing
of the Federal Building in Oklahoma City. The most remarkable
part of his final day fourteen years ago was not his despicable
crime or his death. It was his final anti-social act; revenge
upon the executioner which changed prison policy forever.
Timothy McVeigh’s last meal was one quart of mint
chocolate chip ice cream. A prisoner’s last request for
a favorite meal is no longer honored because of MeVeigh.
When a person dies, he or she loses all control of
the bladder and sphincter muscle. In other words, upon
death, one urinates and defecates without regard to the
explosive nature of that final act. If one’s last meal
is ice cream, the effects can be volatile and disgusting.
The executioner is always the first to know.
Do you doubt this? Eat one quart of mint chocolate chip
ice cream this evening, and nothing else. Let me know
about tomorrow’s bowel movements. Dinner will create
one to two gallons of mucus discharge. Your intestines
will fill with the most unpleasant putrefying odorous
McVeigh’s final act should be a lesson to all. You
could live your entire life with the same unpleasant
bowel movements each day. Eat cheese and ice cream,
and you are guaranteed to suffer the ill effects of poor
bowel movements after dairy consumption.
After McVeigh’s execution and disgusting cleanup, the
state of Texas eliminated the traditional (often messy)
death row convict’s request for a last meal.
* * * *
“For a beverage, you asked for some ‘cherry-assed Kool Aid.’
Okay, now you’re just adding ‘assed’ in places where it
doesn’t even make sense. Regardless, we will fulfill your
request for Cherry Kool-Aid. However, Halle Berry will not
be pouring it from her mouth into yours. For dessert, you
asked for your mother’s homemade peach cobbler. It is highly
unorthodox for someone other than the prison kitchen staff
to prepare a final meal. Also, you killed her about eight
years ago, remember? So you’ll have to settle for Hostess.”
– Colin Nissan
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